December Tee - Tired x Tired x Tired
The big text at the top says “I’m tired” but in a sleepy/over it way. The sentence at the bottom says “ah...I’m really tired (in a physical way because it literally means ‘strength is lifted’) ... I’m tired (in a emotionally exhausted and I’m empty sort of way)”.
The big bunbun drapes all her anxious weight on the girl while the little rage bunbun is flailing about and sad bunbun is pulling at her, trembling lip and all. All the girl can do is sit there, crouched over. Sometimes you just need to sit in the tired and be tired, dead inside. For the days you're tired and you still gotta get shit done, here's a tired friend who knows how you feel even when you can't say you're tired.
club exclusive medium heather grey limited run black
January Tee - Rose & Peonies
Return of my Rose Ribcage girl originally from 2017! 2021 is upon us and while I am hopeful (for how can we endure without hope?) yet I find myself still dwelling over that which was so hard and painful in 2020. Skull in hand and not scared of death, our girl is ready to move forward as the peonies bloom both beneath her and within her, a reminder that good things are around the corner but it's also ok to not be solely focused on moving ahead, sometimes we need to sit in the experiences happening to us. The little Bunbuns are wary but there is one peacefully asleep, adrift in sweet dreams, secure in blooming peonies and hope they bring. Whatever 2021 may bring, you got this.
I'm actually really terrified of death and if I'm not careful with my thoughts, I can have really bad panic attacks. I had gotten them under control but 2020 came and told me "nahhhh". Drawing memento mori themes like this become a channel in which I can focus that fear and anxiety and panic, even while my mind is still screaming in sheer terror. But most of all, I try to remind my brain, death is not something I can stop or run away from but to live as best as I can, panic attacks and all, and not keep me from living just because I'm scared of the end.
club exclusive medium heather grey limited run black
February Tee - Fortune Mart
For me, the new year doesn't really start until Lunar New Year, so now I feel more hopeful and optimistic about the future. I definitely feel beat up from last year but I'm ready to put on some bandages, stock up on things to fuel me, and get going! This was hard but also really fun. I'm lazy and don't really do backgrounds but I had this image in my head of a girl in a supermarket but with lucky, mystical items to help her get through her days. I wanted to incorporate the snacks as well as tradtional Korean superstitions I grew up on, such as how salt was thrown at people and doors to ward off ghosts and bad luck; "Dream pie" which are Choco pies, lots of Spam, and definitely those big cup noodles. To celebrate 2021's Year of the Ox, we have our girl picking up an ox plushie while the snake plushie is for me since I'm year of the snake. I decided to give her angel wings because I like to believe everyone tries to be good and all of you guys are sweet angels to me. Thanks so much for being my bun fam <3
club exclusive lilac limited run light pink
March Tee - Water & Moon
This month's tee is inspired by my boyfriend whose birthday is on the second. We have lots of conceptual and philosophical discussions because honestly that’s where my brain is most of the time (I agonize over humanity and society way too much) but he's always loved water and would live in the ocean or at least a swimming pool if he could (how Pisces of him right? 😏) and one time I asked him what I am to him and he said “water” and my brain is pretty negative to myself so I of course immediately thought “oh no I’m drowning him” and asked him to clarify and he said I’m powerful yet soothing like water and bring him peace and feels like home. 😭 oh yeah you bet I was sobbing! I've called him my sun since we were teens but in 2019 he gifted me a moon ring set with one of the best love letters that’s why there is moon and my Korean culture is a huge part of me so I wanted to express the waves and clouds the way they were from historical Korean paintings. My way of communicating my art is how I experience my feelings. So I wanted it to design something to say "We are more than human. We are beautiful, great things like water and the moon" and I hoped with this little insight into my creative process, it will be a reminder that you are loved and lovable and loving.
club exclusive seafoam
limited run baby blue
April Tee - Tiger Games
This month's tee is inspired by my mom whose birthday is early in April. I've been wanting to draw something as a tribute to my mom who is born year of the tiger so I'm excited I could do it for Tee Club. Growing up we played a lot of Mario Bros on the Super Nintendo so I thought a bunny and tiger version was perfect. My mom's leg would jump up everytime she needed Mario to jump and I remember laughing about it a lot together growing up. I used to sleep like I was dead that my mom would have to whack me to wake up but when I went away to college and lived in the dorms, I didn't sleep deeply. She came to visit and I would just fall asleep on her just sitting down - at the table, on the bus, even in the bathroom. I still love to go and glomp my mom and lay on her too but it's been hard as she gets older and I need to be gentle with her. I'm so grateful for her and try my best to cherish the time I have with her and I hope this inspires you guys to spend time with your loved ones too, especially as there's light at the end of this covid tunnel finally in sight.
club exclusive banana
limited run dusty rose
May Tee - Glasswings
For May's design I knew I wanted to do something with a peony because they're my favorite and I always look forward to buying peony blooms in May. I wanted her sitting in the bloom very Thumbelina like when my friend Taylor reminded me that butterflies exist. Butterflies and peonies have historically been paired in Korean paintings and represent prosperity and contentment together. I love how caterpillars turning into butterflies is such a beautiful reminder of growth and transformation. I didn't know which butterfly wings she'd get but I knew I wanted them to be small because it doesn't matter how big our progress or growth is, we can fly and we are beautiful. As we move into Summer, I hope this design will be a gentle reminder of support and unwavering belief in your journey. <3 I'm also really excited because instead of black ink, I wanted to try a soft, deep grey so the design would feel dreamy. Thank you so much for all your love and support in my Tee Club!
After lots of searching I came across the Glasswing Butterfly (Greta oto) and I fell in love with these magically mysterious little butterflies. They are called Glasswing butterflies because their wings are transparent like glass. They are common in Central and South America and are known as "espejitos" in Spanish speaking countries which means "little mirrors". Unlike other butterflies with transparent wings, the Glasswing butterfly's wings are non-reflective which help them to better evade predators. They are at max only 2.5inches at full maturity yet can carry FORTY times it's own weight and can fly up to 8 mph for short periods of time.
club exclusive lilac
limited run sunrise
June Tee - Cultivate Your Garden
‘One Must Cultivate One’s Own Garden’ - by Voltaire from Candide
This idea is constantly on my mind because I am have generalized anxiety disorder and plagued by overthinking. It always feels like negative thoughts spring up like weeds. When I was younger, I used to think my anxiety was something that needed to be fixed and honestly, it would be nice if it could, but I've come to accept the way my brain processes the world and my existence and it isn't something that can just simply be uprooted. Like those dandelion seeds that float far distances and set root in the best maintained gardens, we are exposed to so many ideas and experiences, both consciously and unconsciously. It would be nice if we could use some weedkiller on the originating dandelion but it's an impossible feat as you have over a hundred seeds from just one dandelion flower. Even if you dig up the dandelion, unless you get all of the roots, it will still sprout again. Negative thoughts, like nature, are exceptionally resilient. And there's a purpose for that, it's to keep us safe. Our brain just wants to make sure we're safe and I appreciate my brain for wanting to protect me. So it's really about maintaining the weeds, not letting it spread its seeds and strangle other beautiful thoughts, hopes and dreams but to be able to recognize the negative thought is helpful as long as it does not overwhelm. To "Cultivate Your Garden" reminds me not only that I have power over my thoughts but also that it is something I must dedicate time and effort to and if I do, the garden that is me, will flourish. I hope this design encourages you too.
club exclusive storm
limited run leaf
July Tee - Watermelon Crush
까불지마 - Literally means "don't act up / don't get cute with me" but also has the feeling of "don't f**k with me"
깡 - Slang term meaning "guts", also used for someone who never gives up
나 건들지마 - Literal translation "don't touch me" but used in reference of being bothered or interrupted in general.
I think all the gardening is influencing by designs the past few months ;; I always design based on things I'm going through and this design is actually the culmination of the past three months of physical therapy, occupational therapy, disordered eating therapy, and anxiety therapy and the last year and half in general. The last two weeks I have been back at the gym, sometimes even twice a day, and while I can not crush a watermelon with my thighs yet, I'm so incredibly proud that I can leg press 478lbs. When I realized I could lift nearly 500lbs with my legs, it was the last piece in a healing process that reclaimed my confidence in myself that I can handle myself. Lots of things have been scary for the last year and a half, but I've always struggled with feeling assured that I was capable to defend myself whether physically or emotionally, leading me to overthink or anxiously plan for hypothetical situations. But with the self work, inside and out, I am building myself and I like who that is. I AM strong. I AM capable. There's nothing to fear when I have myself in my corner and loved ones who have my back, so I hope this design reminds you that YOU ARE A FORCE AND MERCY ON ANYONE WHO TRIES TO COME AT YOU. May the little Bunbun wielding the knife remind you that smol and cute does not mean defenseless.
Maybe by the time these tees finish production, I will attempt to crush the watermelon xD. Sorry this tee was late again too. I actually had a different design planned but I wanted it to have a front and back and unfortunately production is a lot more. At the same time, just a week ago I was able to leg press 478lbs so I was inspired to do this design utilizing a vintage pinup pose because strong is sexy, especially in women.
club exclusive banana cream
limited run apple
August Tee - Inner Space
There is a song from 2014 where the English title is "Inner Space" but the Korean title literally translates to "My Brain Structure".
You can listen to it HERE.
The chorus lyrics go:
welcome to my inner space real my-world real my-love
welcome to my inner space real my-mind real my-heart
At the age of 31, I have officially been diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder and ADHD. I did not expect the ADHD and it threw me for a loop but really made me see how the things I struggle with are not because I'm lacking, I just need different tools because my brain works different. It sucks that I have seen 5 therapists before the age of 30 and none of them suspected and it's not their fault, neurodivergence is abhorrently understudied in women. I have been working to get an evaluation since early this year because twelve hours of research into Autism and I had never felt more seen and not alone than when I heard other women share how they struggle with interpersonal relationships. It was a bit of a bombshell to hear the doctor suspected ADHD but once I actually did research into it, WOW, I felt like a standard issue human rather than a lacking defect as I've been made to feel most of my life.
Knowing that I am different and how I am different has given me true freedom to accept myself as I am and stop self-flagellation for the things I struggle to do. So for August's Tee Club:
Welcome to my Inner Space
This illustration is literally where my brain is most of the time. I reside in a floating castle in the sky where it's always cotton candy skies and though the sun is close, I can still feel all the stars twinkle. The little Bunbuns are my brain simultaneously thinking and planning and feeling and they all want my attention but as you can see, the girl can only look at one Bunbun at a time (especially if there is ice cream involved). I used to really hate this about myself and I'd try all sorts of things to manage myself but I've been just letting myself be because I don't know what that's like. I still feel pressured to seem "normal" if around other people but it feels nice to let myself be and accept that I can only do what I can, not what I can't. The lamps flare because I have astigmatism. I know it's bad, but all the lights look like stars to me so it's pretty. I never realized that everyone doesn't see lights as stars. I drew all the really important Bunbuns - ice cream addict Bunbun, drawing in a messy pile Bunbun, ready to fight to protect Bunbun, sucked into video games Bunbun, likes to sleep with company Bunbun, hungry Bunbun chasing a chicken, Space cadet Bunbun, dissociated Bunbun and Bunbun with Wolfie.
I hope this month's shirt will remind you that you're okay, just as you are because you're the only you and you're beautiful.
club exclusive light blue
limited run pink
September Tee - Submerged
I can't swim. I can passingly float. And it's really funny because I panic and doggy paddle. I can start out trying to do a breast stroke or freestyle but eventually I will feel myself sinking and doggy paddle like my life depends on it until I get tired and I'm glad the swimming pool is only four feet deep.
That's what daily life felt like: a panicked struggle against the pressure and weight of the pool water while being awed at the many people swimming laps back and forth with such ease and speed. Within my mind, there was still that same pressure and weight but it was more of a struggle that I couldn't move as fast as I wanted. While everyone else ran and jumped, it was like I moved within my own fish bowl of water. I still felt and saw everything everyone else could but just...slower.
Since last month and getting diagnosed with ADHD and ASD and starting on Adderall this month, the water doesn't bother me as much. The deep acceptance I feel towards myself has established a layer of calm amongst the many layers of anxiety and turmoil. Instead of fighting against myself based on the world's and society's expectation, I'm just allowing myself to be - passingly floating because I do it pretty well.
The text on the girl's hoodie sleeve says "I'm okay" because I am in this sense. Not okay because the Adderall is making me practically narcoleptic which is why I am late this month for releasing this design because I literally can not overpower my brain with willpower to stay awake but I'm sure it'll get sorted out. With trusty Bunbun to hold on to (anxious as she is) and a mini Bunbun ready with stabby energies, this month's girl is definitely all magical girl vibes with moon goddess light bathing her through a field of peonies (which really means she's just running through some bushes) to remind you:
You are magical. You are okay as you are despite your struggles, despite how you may not fit into what the world wants from you, despite your inability to do things as well as your peers. So sparkle on cuties, sparkle on.
*marble colorway is a heathered white with grey flecks, black is solid black*
club exclusive marble
limited run black
October Tee - Little Monsters
For October, I definitely wanted to make something that was spoopy. I had this concept in mind for a few months after getting hooked on this song: Red Velvet's Monster
Growing up I felt like SO MUCH was always wrong with me. I definitely remember being called a little monster by those who babysat me. But the most consistent feeling I've had is being a robot playing at human. As I got older, it felt like little monsters inside me were contained by the robotic construct that is my mind: something to control, something to hide. Well, we know I didn't control or hide them well at all, in fact it led me to getting diagnosed with ADHD and Autism and I got stuck trying to separate what parts are me and what parts were me pretending to be human to avoid detection. But all of these parts are me. The choices I make, the way I mask and all the dark little monsters inside me.
My little monsters come in the form of emotional dysregulation, rejection sensitive dysphoria, anxiety, and an inclination to run away that is too close to the surface at all times. They are ravenous and destructive but they also motivate me to do better, achieve more, do all the things that pop into my head. They are little monsters but they are also little friends for I wouldn't be me without these even if they make life difficult.
Thanks for loving me, your robot friend trying to be human. Whether you're a bubbly forest fairy or dark demon lord or machine learning in an upright meatsack, you're beautiful. You are living your life. You are being you. If you have little monsters inside you too, let them stare down eerily at anyone who crosses you.
club exclusive heather smoke
limited run bloodwine
November Tee - Divine
If there was one thing I could change about people it would be the irresponsible way we flippantly generalize a person and label them with oversimplified and hurtful descriptors. I've only lived my life in the body of a female and while I love being a female, I could really do without all the words society weaponizes in order to cow me into what it wants me to be.
Let women be. Stop policing little girls. And this goes for EVERYONE. Other girls made just as many comments as boys to tell me how I "should" behave because I'm sure it's what they were being told too. It is MY body, I wear what I want to wear for myself, not for the male gaze and not to be sexualized. Being assertive and aggressive does NOT make me "bossy" or a "bitch" just because I know what I want and how to get it.
It is a real issue that we put so much pressure on girls and women to be a certain way and I still struggle with myself and all the words I have included on the design. I have always been inundated with so many words that reprimanded how I was and words that tried to mold me into some stupid box of what I "should" be. I have to tell these words that have been etched into my mind to fuck off every day but I also need to stand up for myself with people. I tend to be avoidant to confrontation but lately...I don't know if it's the 2nd puberty of my thirties? I feel like a raging fireball ready to fight with my little Bunbun gang.
Many of these words, I've reconciled and several I've reclaimed, but at times they are still triggering and they are a source of trauma. I know we all have our own mountain of words but I want you to know, YOU ARE DIVINE. Sit on those words and let them lift you up like a throne because the most important word is knowing that you are magic and light and so much goodness. So here's not just one flipped bird but two with all the leisurely confidence that comes from knowing that "Yes, I am a psycho bitch...and yes, if you touch me, you will die".
Words in Korean in this design:
바보 - stupid/idiot
독한년 - derogatory phrase to describe a strong willed, relentless woman
싸이코 - "psycho" spelled in Korean
못난이 - ugly, half-wit; literal translation root from "born bad"
미친 기지배 - crazy bitch; 기지배 is from 계집애 and is also used to denote young girl in both derogatory and non-derogatory terms
뚱땡 - fatso
Also, on the waistband of her shorts, it says "건드리면 죽일거야. 해봐." which means "If you bother/touch me, I'll kill you. Try me."
club exclusive pink
limited run gold
December Tee - Embrace
Wow! I can't believe it's already December again which means it's already been one year since I launched Bunny's Tee Club. This started as a way to make sure I draw atleast one illustration a month and a way to work out my feelings. It has become a way I communicate with the world about my experiences, about a month in time. I'm so honored by all the love and support Tee Club has received and blown away by how much it has grown. I'm forever grateful to everyone who has been part of Tee Club whether they own one design or all twelve.
I still plan to continue it as cons are back but definitely need to get better at planning as November has shown with everything that could go wrong going wrong and thus I'm still working on shipping November's tees and this is three days late in terms of releasing the design so subscribers can choose their color and size. I'm so sorry for the delay and am so grateful for your patience and understanding that I'm just one woman doing all the things - although I've been bribing my dad with red bean pastries to help me fold and bag.
December is my birthday month and looking back at this past year, I did a lot of growing. Which at 31 I definitely thought world shattering growth was behind me but I'm not mad at it. I always knew I was different and I finally got answers getting diagnosed with Autism and ADHD this Summer which really became a turning point of really accepting myself by not trying to measure myself to ANYONE'S standards be it society, academia, social media, even my family and friends. Things that never made sense to me that I kept trying to adopt? I let all of that go. I still struggle with being angry, both in general and towards people, but I've been steadily allowing myself to be angry, even raising my voice when I feel like I'm not being heard.
I've always acutely felt an internal dichotomy of two inner selves divided by what I want to do and what I have to do. I used to always see them as a child vs adult but for the first time, I see them as the same age, light and dark, where you can not have one without the other. Most of the time, therapy for me is explaining something that happened which made me feel a certain way and the therapist reminding me it's okay to feel because I used to (and still occasionally) judge myself for feelings and thoughts I have because I wanted to be "good" and I felt like I can't be truly "good" when I have stabby feelings or angry feelings or even indifferent feelings. Maybe it's 31 years of carrying all of these expectations and trying to hide all the negative things that would be touted as things I should be ashamed or my therapist reminding me twice a month, every month since the Spring that "it's okay to feel" but fuck it, I like all my parts, both soft and dreamy as well as scary and psycho. I hope this month's tee reminds you that all of you, is just you. We have light and dark in all of us and it is important to embrace both.
The alternate title for this design was 32 Buns because on the long sleeve version there are 11 Bunbuns on each sleeve + 10 in the front design meaning 11 + 11 + 10 = 32 because I turn 32 this year. For the sleeves, most of the Bunbuns are neutral face because my mind wanders off a lot and I just gaze off into the distance.
club exclusive pink
limited run black
January Tee - Come Fly With Me
Hi Tee Club fam,
I'm really sorry for the delay. If you missed my stories, December was just too busy and I just couldn't keep up physically and mentally. The first two weeks, I couldn't even think about what I wanted to draw for Tee Club because I was just focused on getting through that day or the con that was happening that weekend. It wasn't until I was flying to Atlanta with boyfriend that I felt like I had a moment to breathe and hear myself think. I had flown so much in just November and December and with this design being for the first month of 2022, I really wanted to look forward. Usually I get very depressed in December but guess being so busy I can't think staved it off for a bit - at least until the last con of 2021 was done.
So 2022...what did I want for 2022? I was literally sketching this on the airplane with boyfriend beside me and other than wanting to fly more with wolfie, I couldn't think of anything. I just had this big "I need to squeeze something right now" feeling and everything else was blank. So I drew that: the sun is rising and the girl is riding the coming new year with a sense of hope but Bunbun has got a big mix of excitement and anxiety and fear and dreams and love and oof it's all avalanching on her but she's holding on and the girl is holding onto Bunbun tight because whatever happens, she's got it. Whatever happens in 2022, I know I can handle it despite how much sheer terror and worry I feel.
The other two Bunbuns are for the two things I really want to do more of in 2022 - sleep and gardening. The sprouts are yellow like the sun because gardening really was a joy to watch something grow with just some water and sunshine.
If I ever got to design a plane, yes it would be pink. I wanted to draw an airplane window because thank you all for riding Air Bunbun through our first year of Tee Club. Sometimes it gets turbulent but it will pass. As we go into 2022 together, I wish all of you good health, to receive love, and be filled with dreams and laughter just as it says on the top of the airplane window. Wishing you all a very Happy New Year in 2022.
club exclusive light blue
limited run black
February Tee - Fierce Mart
Sorry again this one is so late ; - ;
February will always be Fortune Mart themed with the corresponding Lunar Zodiac animal until I get through them all at least. I really love the concept of an angel picking up good fortune items to use on the humans to help them out and picking up the Lunar New Year merch every year. I'm very excited for 2022 being Year of the Water Tiger since my Mom is a tiger and she's finally retiring this year so I hope it ends up being a really good year for her. The Tee Exclusive color - Water - is a new color and I'm super excited to have another blue option to be able to offer you than the pastel blue.
This one is extra special since I did a last minute question on IG about what were people's favorite snack growing up and so I go to incorporate them into this design. I tried really hard to level up since 2021's Fortune Mart with the Ox and I'm proud of how far I've come in doing perspective. It still has lots of room for improvement but I can look back and see how much I've grown since February of last year. As well as I plan on making the crewneck the girl is wearing. It was part of why this one is so late because it took me forever to find the traditional Korean embroidery patterns that wasn't a crane or a dragon or clouds. It has butterflies and peonies and small accent flowers too. It will be screen printed for now but I hope sometime this year I can release it as something embroidered.
Tigers are fierce but as big cats, they get scared too, and that's 100% a-ok. It's okay to rest. It's okay to get mad and growl 으르렁. It's okay to cuddle up to a warm body and take a nap. Wishing you all good health and prosperity during this year's of the Water Tiger in 2022 and thank you for wanting to kick it off with me and my Tee Club.
club exclusive water
limited run gold
March Tee - Sun & Moon
TFW when a short month combines with two cons and you try to draw a full male for the first time ever and an iPad update crashes Procreate and you lose this month's Tee Club design that took you a whole week to draw and have to redraw it. I'm sorry for this one being super late ; - ;
March is again inspired by my boyfriend whose birthday was on the 2nd. We are Wolfie and Bunny as well as Sun and Moon so I wanted to draw both of these together. Also, there is an older Korean Drama called "Moon Embracing The Sun" from almost ten years ago and I always loved this title as a concept. Between my boyfriend and I, he may seem the more feral one but we know the feral one is me so to be the Moon which has the sun wholly within it's shape was really the central concept of this design. Women are often depicted as being the protected ones but often we only need to look to our own mothers and we know how fierce they are despite their tender appearance. Both involved in any relationship should protect each other, not just one, whether it is romantic, platonic, or familial. There is strength in softness and vulnerability in hardness and both should be embraced.
On top of that I wanted to connect this design with last year's Water & Moon and so used the waves from that design as the sleeve tattoo as well as her top having the same sleeves from last year's dress.
club exclusive silver
limited run black
April Tee - In The Clouds
From a really young age, I would always be admonished for being a dreamer and having my head in the clouds. When I look back, it's actually quite sad that adults would try to manage the expectations of children, imposing their own limitations before the kids get to even finish creating a dream. For April's Tee Club, I really wanted to make a design that basically was a response of:
"HAH! I DID IT! FUCK YOUUUU"
For if you are always stuck grounded in reality, how can you begin to imagine possibilities?
Is it easy to achieve dreams? Of course not. You will rage and cry and fall and feel alone. But you will also have something to catch your fall, someone who encourages you, take a nap, and keep flying to capture all the stars. If you're already doing half of these things in your life anyways even without having your head in the clouds, then why not atleast do it while reaching for something you want?
There's been some frustrating situations where people haven't acted in a manner befitting the position they are in and I have a lot of feelings about it. It's really sad that after two years of a pandemic, people are less, not more, kind to each other. Do I have the urge to throw them off like the Bunbun in the bottom right hand corner? Definitely. But that would make me just like them and at the end of the day, I truly believe that living a happy life is the best revenge and I prefer to hold myself to a high standard of character, in the clouds where I can not be reached.
It was really important for these themes to be for April because I am having my
FIRST POP-UP SHOP!
It will run for three weeks starting April 8th until April 24th at Pacific Place in Seattle, WA.
So if you are going to Sakuracon, please stop by as I will be
just one block away from the convention center.
So I hope April's Tee reminds you that YOU CAN DO IT, it will be hard, but take rest, eat some fried chicken, and keep going. Don't compromise yourself or your dreams.
Thus, on her hoodie it says the following:
left sleeve (from our view): 잡을꺼야 which translates to "gonna catch/capture it"
front: 꿈 which is the word "dream"
right sleeve (from our view): 그냥 꺼져 which translates to "just piss off"
So you can read it left to right: "gonna capture it, dream, just piss off" or right to left: "just piss off, dream, gonna capture it"
and on her shoe: 밟아버려 which translates to "step/stomp on it" and I chose because when she steps off the cloud, finished dreaming, she's ready to stomp on whatever difficulties that may try to stop her from making her dreams reality and I hope it empowers that you got this, whether with your head in the clouds or feet on the ground.
club exclusive black
limited run pink
May Tee - Dripping Smoke
Song to go with this month's design - DPR Ian's "So Beautiful"
First of all, thank you so much to everyone who came to the Pop-Up Shop in April. I was floored by how many of you came out to support you and how proud you all were of me. I really am grateful for all your love and truly am blessed for the many wonderful friends and supporters who believe in me.
Putting together a brick and mortar store was frankly terrifying. I definitely had a couple nervous breakdowns while putting the store together, especially with a broken finger. It's one thing to put something together in my mind, it's entirely different thing to put something together that can be touched and takes up space. Sometimes I just wanted to poke my out.
By the time the store opened, I had more anxiety and dread than excitement.
Who did I think I was? Imposter syndrome hit me REAL HARD.
Before, I would spiral into beating myself over and over for drowning in my demons and questioning myself.
I did have some nervous breakdowns where I'd cry for five minutes and then go back to painting the wall or hot glueing polyfill to make the floating clouds. The voices saying I wasn't good enough would swirl and stick to me and drip all over, but I kept going - mainly because there was a deadline (even though I was late) - and honestly, I made peace with my demons. I know because of them, they push me to do better by helping me calculate and plan and execute. My demons are overly critical and I don't know if it's just being in my thirties now, but they feel more like the friends I can sit with and take notes from than feel attacked or criticized by because at the end of the day, it's me criticizing myself and at the end of the day, I just want to do well so it's really just me being anxious about doing well.
There's a few inside jokes about me with a hammer as a defense weapon so Bunbun is determinedly threatening one of the demons because work has to get done despite her tired, anxious state - thus furrowed brow.
I hope this month's design helps you to feel less overwhelmed with challenges you face, be they internal or external, because you can get through it and make something beautiful.
club exclusive garnet
limited run smokey lavender
June Tee - Sprout & Sparkle
First of all, I'm really sorry this month's design is so crazy late. Secondly, please stay safe fam. Covid is still a thing and it sucks to be sick. It put me out of commission for almost two weeks and I only got to finish this design because I could draw while lying on my side since being upright was not an option with my Covid induced ear infection.
Growing is somehow both equally hard and easy. It takes so much energy and resources to grow, whether personally or professionally, yet doing nothing and resting also contributes to growth. You can't control how much or how quickly growth will happen either. There's a certain amount of learning to let go and let things happen because so many factors can affect growth - too much rain, too little sun, high heat but no sun, cooler temperatures for a long time after lots of rain can make the soil too moist. It's when we take these aspects into consideration that I find myself in wonder and awe that despite so many odds against us and even more challenges we have to overcome, we sprout new growth.
I hope this month's design encourages you to grow through effort AND rest. Bunbun's got your back to protect your budding sprouts so you can just ✨ S P A R K L E✨.
club exclusive water
limited edition light blue
limited edition spring leaf
July Tee - Deus Ex Machina
I am so sorry July's tee is so crazy late. I actually started working on this early in the month of June but prepping for the biggest con of the year was somehow more hectic and stressful than opening a physical store.
It seems like every passing month, week, and even day of 2022 is somehow worse than when 2020 unfolded. I don't know about you guys but I am exhausted. A la Toy Story, I wish there was a claw that could pluck me out and send me off elsewhere. Although whether the next place would be better than the current one isn't promised thus the Bunbun captured by the claw having a bit of a freak out.
I've been super overwhelmed and more than a little burned out and it's been so many emotions and fears and anger just squished up together and on top of each other. So I really wanted to convey this by drawing from the perspective of being inside the claw machine, not from the outside looking in. Especially since I know many others are feeling the same too, by drawing it from the inside, I hope it makes those who wear this design know they aren't alone.
The next little bit is just some stream of consciousness so feel free to skip over xD
When I get overwhelmed, my first instinct is to run. Like, sell all my things, book a one way flight, start fresh in a new city type of run. I've definitely been revisiting Paris from memory and making a mental itinerary of which restaurants I hope survived since I was there last in 2017. Before life changed as we know it, I remember I was hoping to stay in Paris for a month. I still hope to do so, and soon if possible. Mainly because a two week stay costs as much as a one month stay so might as well.
Things are hard. I am so in awe of the love and support I receive from you guys and so proud of what we have built together and how I've been able to grow my brand but I am so so so exhausted. I've always burned the candle at both ends but I feel like I'm just a wick in a pool of oil. I definitely need help and hope I will find a few people who will want to join me in my dreams.
Oki, I'm off to bed now. Thanks for reading this if got to the end. <3
club exclusive pink
limited edition black
August Tee - Specter
I'm sorry I've been late so frequently with Tee Club lately and always having to apologize for being late.
PLEASE NOTE: FOR LAVENDER THERE ARE NO (READ ZERO) SMALLS AVAILABLE. Please choose either XS or M in lavender, otherwise there is small available in lilac.
It's been a year since I got diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder and ADHD. It's been really validating and healing because interpersonal relationships have always been really hard for me. People don't want me to be honest but if I don't say something (because I believe in not saying anything if I don't have anything nice to say) then I'm dismissive/rude/aloof. I spent the last year trying to figure out who I really am, which is a really weird thing to say at 32 but it's like I'm aware of what I'm expected to be vs what I am when I don't put all my thoughts and actions through a 72-step flowchart because I think I'm safe from judgement and admonishment.
A lot of times, I am only one facet of myself and over time I start to feel like a specter of myself - visible but disembodied. A lot of times I feel like I'm just watching humans being humans while I'm on the outside looking in. Sorry for the big sad feels.
I hope this month's design encourages you to be yourself, even when it's a struggle, and I hope it helps you feel a little less alone going through them. Oh, and that dreaming of escaping to Paris helps.
club exclusive lavender
limited edition lilac
September Tee - Light
I learned age isn't just a number and I am too old to burn the candle at both ends. I'm really sorry Tee Club is so late again. Between two cons in August ( one being a big hometown one ) and my body giving out to exhaustion by making me narcoleptic at first and then cubital tunnel making it painful to grip a pencil to draw, I'm very sorry for the delay.
I shared on IG stories a few weeks back that I went through a weird stalker situation and how it made me really uncomfortable about posting the way I used to. I was telling a friend about this and they were surprised because I had always come off as a "take me or leave me" type of gal and not one to hide my light. There's definitely been some sifting through what is me and what is me following what I am expected to be but there are a few times I know for a fact.
I am a 당돌한, 독한, 도도한 빛.
당돌한 - insolent, daring
독한 - strong willed, ruthless when used to describe a person
도도한 - literal translation is "arrogant" but when used to describe a female, it used to convey a high level of confidence
빛 - light. pronounced "bich" it also sounds like "bitch" and I have no problem owning that
I hope this design encourages you be yourself even when it's hard and it's a fight to just be. I hope it reminds you to say BBAI~ to those that can't accept you. Most of all, I hope it reminds you that you are a beautiful light and that you sparkle.