I recently asked on IG whether people would rather be seen or heard. I wasn't surprised that being heard was more important but I was surprised at the 19% seen vs 81% heard split. It makes sense in terms of a majority female audience as well as Instagram being a platform more for static visuals. Now, what I don't know is whether those who answered answered based on just what is of more value to them or if they voted based on their need to be heard not being met. 

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Personally, I view being seen as a macro level need. To feel seen, someone has invested time and attention to notice who I am by the actions I make and the way I move about the world. Being heard, for me, is more micro level as it's one portion of my life or one aspect of myself I voluntarily offer up. Both are equally important in my opinion. Being seen is being recognized for who I am while being heard is being important enough to be listened to, whether I make sense or just need a sounding board.

Even though I over communicate due to a history of trauma surrounding being misunderstood and very carefully choosing what I say, very few ever actually ask me what I mean or actually use words in their actual meanings. Instead they attach their own emotional meanings to the words, their own traumatic history, their situational social context - often making me feel like a villain.

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I have a great need to understand. In seeking to understand, I ask a lot of questions, gathering data and information. Of the types of questions that can be asked, I tend to ask "why" the most. Unfortunately, people tend to feel put on the spot, flustered, or criticized. I guess it depends on intent, but if I ask why, it's because I care about it, it doesn't make sense or I am genuinely curious because it surprised me. It's such a struggle for me to understand social cues and I often notice that people look at me expectantly to finish the sentence of some supposedly established social sequence of words or actions. But it tends to fly over my head and I either come off avoidant or if I acknowledge the deafening silence of expectations by trying to make an educated guess and directly ask what they expect from me, I face exasperation despite how I repeatedly remind how I am a robot pretending to be human and approach things logically with problem solving as my core modus operandi. 

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For October's design, I wanted to convey feeling unheard in a way that the mouth is not covered by self but by the environment. I often feel like I emerge from myself to observe the world or the world submerges me in its machinations without letting me speak so I wanted to make it look like the girl could come out of the shirt. I mask because it's what is expected, even while inside I feel tears painfully escaping my eyes. I wanted this to be a companion piece to last year's Savage Seraphim in a manner so I drew her as a demon while also giving her a halo of swords. The swords protect the Bunbuns but are also pointed out and at the ready. The eye of ghosties were to convey the cramped, internal panic and struggle I feel. 

I hope this tee works to give you more opportunity to speak and be heard by being just disconcerting enough to make the onlooker pause and think about what they are about to say as our ghost ridden demon girl is a witness.