Inner Space Dotted Journal
Welcome to my Inner Space
This illustration is literally where my brain is most of the time. I reside in a floating castle in the sky where it's always cotton candy skies and though the sun is close, I can still feel all the stars twinkle. The little Bunbuns are my brain simultaneously thinking and planning and feeling and they all want my attention but as you can see, the girl can only look at one Bunbun at a time (especially if there is ice cream involved). I used to really hate this about myself and I'd try all sorts of things to manage myself but I've been just letting myself be because I don't know what that's like. I still feel pressured to seem "normal" if around other people but it feels nice to let myself be and accept that I can only do what I can, not what I can't. The lamps flare because I have astigmatism. I know it's bad, but all the lights look like stars to me so it's pretty. I never realized that everyone doesn't see lights as stars. I drew all the really important Bunbuns - ice cream addict Bunbun, drawing in a messy pile Bunbun, ready to fight to protect Bunbun, sucked into video games Bunbun, likes to sleep with company Bunbun, hungry Bunbun chasing a chicken, Space cadet Bunbun, dissociated Bunbun and Bunbun with Wolfie.
At the age of 31, I have officially been diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder and ADHD. I did not expect the ADHD and it threw me for a loop but really made me see how the things I struggle with are not because I'm lacking, I just need different tools because my brain works different. It sucks that I have seen 5 therapists before the age of 30 and none of them suspected and it's not their fault, neurodivergence is abhorrently understudied in women. I have been working to get an evaluation since early this year because twelve hours of research into Autism and I had never felt more seen and not alone than when I heard other women share how they struggle with interpersonal relationships. It was a bit of a bombshell to hear the doctor suspected ADHD but once I actually did research into it, WOW, I felt like a standard issue human rather than a lacking defect as I've been made to feel most of my life.
Knowing that I am different and how I am different has given me true freedom to accept myself as I am and stop self-flagellation for the things I struggle to do.
I hope this design will remind you that you're okay, just as you are because you're the only you and you're beautiful.
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♡ A5 size dotted journal with ribbon bookmark, elastic band closure and pocket on inner back cover
♡ 96 sheets of 100gsm bright white (192 pages)
♡ Vegan faux leather cover with gold foil stamping